Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize