She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is it penis luge time yet?
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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