i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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