I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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