What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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