I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize