If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize