so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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