Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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