A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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