also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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