One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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