Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it because I queefed?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize