PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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