She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everclear isn't food dammit
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize