mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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