did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize