I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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