Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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