When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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