Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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