OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize