as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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