happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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