Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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