by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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