I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize