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Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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