In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize