Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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