Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize