This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
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just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
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dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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