Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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