I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
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We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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