i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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