I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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