Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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