it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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