i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize