Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize