I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize