Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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