I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize