Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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