why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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