good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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