Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize