How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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