i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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