I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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