Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Randomize